It sucks to be sad on your birthday. i am sad today. it is my birhday. i know i might look happy, but no matter what happens that shows tons of people love and appreciate you, and know that there is one person who doesn't. 24 was suppossed to be a good year. so far the start is rugged. i wake up in the morning after having a dream of me and my ex- significant other as of 3 weeks ago. in the dream we are together and we have a puppy and we ar ein New York and the puppy is really thirsty for some reason.- weird and i have no idea of it's meaning, but needless to say- when you wake up from a dream of comfort of being w/ the one you love, and you are alone and that person is in their own world, w/ other priorities, and it's your freaking day of birth, the exact moment and day that this whole mess called fate got started, well it's particularly hard. i mean a year ago, to this day i was happy. i was in bed w/ the person that made me feel safe, warm and loved. today i woke up feeling the same way i probably felt at the moment of my birth. Confused, naked and cold. Everyone has been there. i'm not special. hell i'm not even special to the person who still says they will love me till the day they die even now when we are apart. it all makes no sense nor will it ever. it's like we don't have to remember those moments of birth, when all hell broke loose and all that we knew and were familiar w/ was ripped from us as we were thrust into the world, but now i have memories. i have memories of empty promises and kisses on the forehead, of trust and love and happiness. and all that i know has been taken and i'm alone in the world, no matter how many people surround me and say "i love you". but my only hope is that life will get better, and it will all make sense and be beautiful just as it was before and in a year to this day i will be w/ someone warm and kind and true, and this day will make sense, just like that day from 24 yrs ago makes sense.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Unfortunatley this is not going to be very uplifting. I know this is true though. People are ass holes at heart. None of this Anne Frank mumbo jumbo. i mean i really wish that i could say that I thought people were really good at heart even if i was living in a time when man showed it's biggest sign of barbarianism, but i can't. people are cheaters and they are liars and they don't care who they step on along the way. Everyone wonders where all the good people are- we are dead. you killed us w/ all your bullshit lies and hatred. I know myself and things that i would never do to people i love and i also know people i love who have hurt me. I have been lied to cheated on strung along in the past and still loved and showed kindness. i know people who have gone thruogh the same things and known how painful it is and yet- they do the same exact thing. i think the worst of these are adultry and lying. some may say murder; however i think it much more painful to take away someones heart and trust than their actual breathe and life. If you are a cheater- you are a complete ASS HOLE. if you have ever cheated this is true as well. you are a piece of shit. You might think i have just suffered this treatment recently; however i just know someone that has done it to someone else and i want to punch them in the face and they are my friend. i think that lying and adultry are fucking ignorant and selfish. just fucking break up w/ your significant other or get over yourself and your object of interest, because it's not worth it in the end. the person you hurt will hate you and maybe never forgive you and you don't deserve their forgiveness to be honest. There are people out there like myself that genuinely mean it when they say "i love you" and know the exact meaning and actions of that word. you can't love more than one person. your fucking dumb if you think that's ok. don't be a greedy piece of shit and fuck up the rest of the people in this world that are actually genuine you ass holes. I leave you w/ this- I was watching t.v. where a psychiatrist talked about how men were wired to basically objectify women and be fucking perverts. to him i say we women are also wired to run cheating men over in our mecedes benz's 85 times and also wired to cut your penis off if we find you fucking another woman in our bed, but for some reason those two things aren't socially acceptible. I won;t just pin it on men though- women if you want to be bitches and cheat on your boyfriends- you'll get yours trust me. Karma is the only thing that I'm 100% sure of wheteher it be in this life or the after life. Quit being Douche bags- all of you.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Yeah, so I often get afraid of dying. I wonder if there is something after this. i believe in God but still the human in me makes me fearful that death is the end. my fear grew even stronger when i was watching the show Intervention on TV and a man who had died and came back to life after an overdose stated that there was nothing at the time of his death. No light, no angels, just death. i worried, if this man died and saw nothing, then there must be nothing.... My friend is pregnant right now. Every day her belly gets bigger and we all feel it kick in her belly and can see it move from outside. It's crazy. thne i thought about it and, no one remembers what it's like on the inside of their mom's belly. As far as we're concerned it possibly never happened. the only thing we are aware of is who we are now and what our memories consist of, but just aqs there was a before that we don't know about there will be an after. Hope I'm right!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
First off: I don't like to edit my writing so if it is mispelled or something live w/ it. any way- I should be working right now- which is why spelling and grammar are easily sacrifised. I just wanted to Blog something that has always bothered me- which was also part of my experience w/ setting up my very first Blog. It is as follows: What is it w/ the freaking word verifications that seem to finalize everthing we log into on the web? you know the ones MKyl25hj and that shit. you retype the letters and numbers in order. what the hell is the purpose for this- and let me stop you be4 you answer cause i don't actually care it's just that i wonder..... what about these word jumbles makes our internet safer? Is it that Serial killers and child molesters can't figure out these word jumbles? are they just simply baffalled by them cause their tainted minds just can't decode these word jumbles? seriously. let's quit wasting our time w/ that crap. because unless that's the reason than i seen o purpose for it- and after all, i'm the only one that matters right? j/k.
peace for now.
peace for now.